My wife (40) hadn’t been talking to her mother (66) for years and we found out she recently passed. We are in CA and her mother is in Hawaii and due to the fact that the mother was estranged from all of her children, we’re not sure who should be paying the $2,300 for cremation services? Her husband is alive, but has dementia and the facility he lives in has asked that his is not told his wife passed.
I don’t mind having to pay, but I’m not thrilled and it seems like it would be more appropriate for the funds to come out of her husbands estate? Are their any programs that would help cover the cost in HI? They were on other public programs (welfare).
My wife has another biological brother, another half brother, and a couple of step siblings, but I don’t see any of them wanting to pay for it.
Looking for some ideas or guidance.
Who has power of attorney for her husband? He’s going to need one if they didn’t take care of that before she died.
Her estate. Was she indigent? Who ordered the cremation? Did she have a will and appoint anyone to handle it. If you don’t want the cremains, then just let it go? If you guys do pay, what are you going to do with the cremains? My dad and mom died in ca, and I seem to remember that if you try to sell a house and you have the cremains there, you have to note it at the time of sale.
If you can’t access the funds from her husband, why not dutch and everyone chips in something?
Not sure why you’d pay a single cent for someone who was completely estranged from you and your wife.
If all the children are estranged and no one wants to step in to handle things, they can all just stay out of it and let the state of Hawaii figure it out.
You realize that no one actually has to pay, right? Lots of bodies go unclaimed, the county will cremate them and put them in a mass grave. Unless your wife has a strong desire to say goodbye with physical remains.
cremation is less than a $1000 where I live and it goes up from there. The thing is, there are only like 2 crematoriums around so they all go to the same places basically. The $1000 to the $3000 ones. My girlfriend works with hospice patients and helps with this type of stuff. I would get the cheapest cremation you can with a $40 amazon urn and ask family to chip in
And just to be transparent, I recently had my estate documents all done by an attorney and one of my documents literally says that my wishes are to be cremated cheaply and my ashes put into a cheap urn bought from [Amazon.com](https://Amazon.com). I don’t want my estate money going to some overpriced funeral crap.
Does the mother have any assets? If so her estate should pay for the cremation. In most states there is an order to paying debts. First comes the court (of course they set themselves up to be paid first!), then the funeral expenses, and only after that do other creditors get paid. I mean, you might have to front costs, but you can make the claim against the estate for reimbursement.
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I am not sure where you’re getting your information, but good topic.